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  • Writer's pictureAndrew Ramsden

Take your power back





Stop giving your power away.



Every time you get upset, feel offended, or like you need to defend yourself, you're leaving power on the table.


Are loudmouths, bullies, pr*cks and other crows a pain in the *ss? Heck yes! And still…


Every time you get worked up about it, you are waiting for others to change in order to feel ok. Some people wait their whole lives for this permission to feel ok from others. Are there areas of your life you’re still waiting?


Reflect on this…


1. Where in your life are you feeling annoyed, frustrated, angry, resentful, offended, outraged, indignant, undermined, disrespected, disappointed, jaded, boxed in or defeated? This is you waiting on them to change to feel better.


2. Where in your life are you tempted to blame, complain, gossip, collude, court pity, or build allies against someone else? This is you waiting, and hoping you can win the political game they are playing.


3. Who in your life do you feel you have closed your heart to? Or put up a wall? Hint: Likely anyone who triggered any of #1 or #2.


This is you waiting. Harbouring hurt in your heart, and protecting it from further injury by closing it off to them, and often to the world in general.


I don’t want this for you.


Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying to ignore their bad behaviour. I’m not saying just roll over and be a doormat. Take action! However address your feelings about it first. Then you can take action from a place of power and clarity.


While there is still a part of you in pain, it’s not hurting them, only you. It’s not keeping them up at night, only you. I can’t express this any better than Buddha, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".


While you are still in pain, even mild frustration, alongside any noble intentions to protect others, part of your intention can’t help but be revenge, vindication, or proving them wrong. Those intentions are not influential, and will undermine any action you take.


The most self-empowering and self-loving thing you can do is to work on your inner-game first, process and let go of the upset, the hurt, the offense. It’s not serving you. And if you struggle to process it by yourself, reach out to an expert coach for support (Hint: unless you’ve done a lot of work on yourself, it is hard to truly clear and let go by yourself).


Here’s a tough but ultimately empowering truth…


We only feel upset if part of us believes what they’re saying is true.


Just as an eagle doesn’t flinch when attacked by a crow, you wouldn’t be upset if someone called you a “blue banana”.


When we feel upset, we’ve taken it personally. It’s hit too close to home. This means we will only get upset if we are insecure about that subject deep down.



If you can own that you create your emotions, not them—i.e. no one 'made you feel this way' but you—then you can use modern emotional tools to process your feelings and let them go. Then you will no longer feel insecure about that subject.



This is how you take your power back!


When we feel secure in ourselves, there is no offence or outrage. We may just laugh it off or ignore it completely. Or we may still decide it’s not appropriate and take action.



However rather than stuck tussling with the crow on the ground, trying to win at their game of slinging mud and garnering pity and support from others, this allows us to rise above the petty politics and BS.


Like the eagle, this allows us to fly up high, attain great perspective and ultimately get the best result for us and others by going to a place the crow cannot follow: Pure win-win intentions. A win for you, a win for others, and even though they are deeply flawed, with great compassion, sometimes we can even find a win for them.


Hurt people hurt people. You can break that cycle for yourself. And if they are hurting others, that means someone or something hurt them. Which doesn’t excuse their behaviour, however some of the most influential and powerful levers for positive change is when we can muster compassion for all, and help lift them out of hurt as well.


When you feel strong enough in yourself to rise above the nonsense, and truly fly like the eagle, then you can change the world.

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